The main questions to the psychologist
What questions should parents ask themselves before adopting a child?
“Why do you want to do this?” The answer to this question addresses us to a deeper awareness of our own motivations for acting. There is a good anecdote when a son informs his Jewish father that he has decided to get married. To which the father asks his son a very valid question, “What’s in it for you?” As cynical as this question may seem at first glance, it is the question that sends us to the realization of what needs we want to satisfy when we are about to do, this or that. Of course, every person who contemplates taking in a child without parental care is a kind, compassionate, and moral person. The leading motive is almost always “to help,” because children should not live in an institution. And yet, it is always a complex of motives. And hidden, poorly realized, unreflected motives can become a great risk and difficulty in the future.
What do you need to know about a child before you decide to apply for the papers?
As much as possible should be learned about the child before deciding to proceed with the paperwork. Some parents have the illusion that a foster child’s “real life” will begin only after he or she starts living in a foster, “well-to-do” family. And all the bad, traumatic things should be tried to leave in the past, and maybe even try not to remember. But this is a misconception, because the child will bring with him what he absorbed from his family, from his family, including the traumatizing personality of the child. Information about the child, about his health, about his psyche, about his life history, will help adequately assess impending difficulties and form the adult’s readiness to resolve them together with the child. Today all regions of the Russian Federation have established “Training and Support Services for Foster Families,” and resource centers are being created to support foster families on the basis of interagency cooperation. All of this is a great resource for supporting and assisting parents.
Is taking a child into a family really as long and complicated a procedure as many people think (with regards to paperwork, etc.)?
The procedure for taking a child into a family has two main stages. The first is when the documents are collected, and as a result the person becomes a “candidate for adoptive parents”. The second stage is when the person searches for the child and takes him/her from the institution to the family, and as a result the person becomes a “substitute parent”. The first stage, the stage of preparation takes 2 – 3 months, most of the time it is psychological and pedagogical training at the “School for preparation of candidates for substitute parents”. And some future candidates resent this. But when they finish the course, they are grateful that the system didn’t let them make a hasty decision. Keep in mind, though, that nature gives your family nine months to adjust to having a baby. The second phase often drags on for months, because the “right” baby can be hard to find.
What are the most common difficulties (psychological) in adoption?
If we talk about the psychological difficulties of adoption, they are the same as with any change in the life of a family and a person. It takes time to readjust: organize your life, coordinate responsibilities, distribute time, and reevaluate priorities. It takes time to get used to new social roles: moms, dads, grandparents, etc. Because a child is welcomed into the family not just by one or two people, a child is welcomed by a clan.
For the adult, who is an adult not only by age, but an adult, in fact, by his actions, those difficulties he encounters are transformed into tasks that he can solve on his own or with the help of additional resources.
How do foster parents build a relationship with the child’s blood relatives who have a “sudden” desire to take part in the child’s life?
This situation is very difficult, it happens very rarely, but you also need to be prepared for it. Why is it rare? Because before a child receives the status of “abandoned care”, specialists from child welfare agencies will do everything possible to establish relationships with the child’s blood relatives and restore the lost family ties. And only then does the child receive the “status” and is placed in a state institution. Still, the task of building relationships between the child and the surrogate parents and the blood relatives, whether real or “virtual” (when the child has been rejected from birth and there has always been a dash in the column for mother and father), is an important and sometimes difficult task.
